my daughter in the bathtub

a plastic penguin in one chubby fist 
a plastic dolphin in the other

i’m gonna be everything 
she says to the penguin
everything

i'm    going     to      be 
E  V  E  R  Y 
THING

i know what I’m going to be
she turns to the dolphin 
everything
 
i try to remember back 
to when I had that primal conviction

a thin cognition
in a blue bathing suit 
squinting into the sun

and wonder the ways 
in which the intervening 36 years 
will whittle my daughter 

down to the exact approximation 
of her grown self

the tortuous route by which 
she will be shaved into a woman
my daughter in the bathtub

from the series: dead men i have loved #3

you came around 
when i was four
eating coffee beans by the handful
from a bag
that sat wedged against the armrest 
of your Chrysler Plymouth 
filterless camels
caftan and headdress
belly dancers on 35mm
taped to the bedroom wall

baklava and leather loafers
my best friend

once i walked across South Bend
to ring the doorbell to your apartment
i was six
you were dying your hair

you mixed sugar on a plate 
of tahini
i ate it with my fingers 
like some sort of stray animal

until my mom came and got me


from the series: dead men i have loved #3